Discover how letting go of control and trusting God can bring peace, transformation, and hope in ways you never imagined.

What I Learned When Life Spun Out of My Hands

surrendering control, trusting God, finding peace, faith journey

The Beginning of Letting Go

Have you ever hit a point where life felt completely out of control—where no amount of effort or planning could fix it?

For as long as I could remember, I believed I was in control. Like many people, I built my life around what felt safe: my plans, my abilities, and my independence. Faith had quietly faded into the background, and for a while, everything seemed fine—until the things I relied on weren’t enough. I had to confront the limits of my own strength and realized that holding it all together wasn’t sustainable.

This is the story of how I let go, piece by piece, and how God worked in ways I never imagined when I stopped trying to do it all on my own.

The First Crack in the Wall

At twenty, I believed I had everything figured out. I wasn’t particularly thinking about God—church had become something I stopped prioritizing after years of going. Everything seemed manageable, and I liked feeling capable of handling things on my own.

But that confidence didn’t last. What began as mild abdominal cramps turned into excruciating pain that doctors couldn’t explain. Month after month, the pain grew worse, leaving me drained and desperate.

Me in the hospital, during the early days of diagnosis—before I knew how much life was about to change.

“Please, God. Just do whatever it takes.”

That prayer wasn’t eloquent or planned. It was a moment of surrender—the first crack in the wall I’d built to keep God out. Something shifted that night. I wasn’t in control anymore, and part of me was finally okay with that.

Finding Peace in the Darkness

Four months later, I was diagnosed with Stage Four colon cancer. The cancer had spread, and the surgeon’s words were brutally clear: “There is no hope.”

In an instant, the things I’d relied on—my independence, my family, even my belief that being a “good person” would somehow be enough—offered no comfort. Alone in my hospital room, I realized I had zero control over eternity and felt completely unprepared.

That night, the fear became suffocating, like a darkness I couldn’t escape. Terrified, I whispered the only words I could manage:

“Jesus – help.”

In that moment, the darkness lifted, replaced by an overwhelming peace. Nothing about my situation had changed, but the fear that had consumed me was gone, and calmness took its place.

Releasing the Future I Couldn’t Control

A year after finishing chemo, I was struggling emotionally. The surgery had taken away my ability to have children, leaving me feeling unworthy and unlovable. Would anyone ever want a life with me?

During those months, my frustration boiled over in small, destructive acts. I had been secretly flushing my chemo pills down the toilet for months, thinking, “If this is how it’s going to be, just bring the cancer back.”

Over time, I grew exhausted from fighting what I couldn’t control. I reached a point where I couldn’t hold on anymore and prayed: “If You’re going to keep me here, please don’t let me go through life alone.” It wasn’t a long or complicated prayer—it came from a place of feeling like I’d reached the end of myself, with nowhere else to turn.

What I didn’t know was that shortly after my surgery, a young man named Jeff had heard about me at church. The pastor shared my story—my cancer, my fight for survival, and my infertility—and Jeff, though a stranger to me, was deeply moved. That night, he prayed, “Lord, it’s going to take someone special to marry a girl like that. If You want it to be me, make me ready.”

Time passed, and one day, I was flipping through a friend’s photo album when I noticed a picture of a man I didn’t recognize. “Who’s this?” I asked. “That’s Jeff,” she said. Something about him caught my attention, and soon after, she arranged for us to meet.

Jeff, weary of dating, had decided this would be his last first date. As we talked, I shared my story—my diagnosis, my survival, and my struggles with infertility. Jeff listened quietly, and as I spoke, he realized something incredible: I was the girl he had prayed for.

From that moment, he was certain God had brought us together. My infertility, which I feared would drive people away, didn’t matter to him at all. His confidence gave me a glimpse of how releasing my fears and trusting God with my future had opened the door for something far greater than I could have planned.

Marriage and Healing

When Jeff and I got married, we quickly saw God’s hand at work in ways that amazed us. Shortly after, we heard something incredible from my surgeon—the same one who had once told me there was no hope. He admitted, “The only way I can explain your survival is that it’s a miracle.”

The Family We Never Expected

Becoming a mom had always been my dream, but losing the ability to have children made me wonder if it would ever happen. One evening, Jeff and I prayed together, asking God to guide us in the adoption process. “Please set the wheels in motion,” we prayed, releasing the timeline and outcome to His plan.

“Just months into marriage, we stepped into life as parents of three children.”

The very next day, we got a call. Three siblings needed a home, and suddenly, the dream we thought was out of reach became reality. It was overwhelming at times, but it was also one of the clearest moments of seeing God’s hand at work in our lives.

The Peace That Comes with Letting Go

At every breaking point, I faced a choice: cling tighter to control or trust God. Surrendering wasn’t easy—but each time I let go, God met me with peace and provision.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

That verse perfectly captures what this journey has been about: letting go of what I think I know and allowing God to lead.

A Changed Heart

Yes, God healed me. He brought Jeff into my life, gave us a family, and worked miracles I could never have imagined. But the greatest transformation wasn’t in those outcomes—it was in my heart. Through surrender, I came to know God not as a distant idea, but as a loving Father who cares deeply for me.

An Invitation to Surrender

Letting go of control hasn’t been easy. But each surrender led to a deeper relationship with God, rooted in trust rather than self-reliance. The peace from this relationship is something the world can’t offer, nor could I create on my own.

If you’re reading this and feeling weary from trying to control every aspect of life, I invite you to consider what it might look like to trust God instead. The things we think will give us security—achievements, relationships, plans—are temporary. But God offers a peace that endures beyond life’s uncertainties.

Let’s Walk This Together

If this resonates with you, I’d love to connect. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, longing for peace, or just need someone to listen, I’m here. You don’t have to figure it all out alone—I’d be honored to encourage you as you take your next step in trusting God.

If part of your journey includes working through health challenges, I’ve shared more about how I found healing and hope after cancer in this post.

Feel free to reach out here to share your journey or ask questions. It would be a privilege to walk alongside you.